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Saturday, August 16, 2008

This came across my autism loop today, and I thought I'd post it for my bloggy friends. It was what I needed to hear today.....a recitiation of what I DO....not what I didn't get done (which I find myself dwelling on sometimes!)

I am.

I am the little engine that did. When on my journey in life, my tracks ledme to a mountain - a diagnosis of Autism - I looked at it with defeat -thinking there was no way I could climb over it. I then pondered theobstacle before me, and I then said to myself over and over, "I think I can,I think I can...," then I slowly started climbing the mountain saying tomyself over and over, "I know I can, I know I can,...." and then I made itover that ominous diagnosis and continued my journey. I am the little engine that did.

I am more devoted than Noah's wife. I sometimes feel overwhelmed in my"houseboat" -- 365 days and 365 nights a year, constantly working with and teaching my child. But when the storms of isolation and monotony become most unbearable, I do not jump ship. Instead I wait for the rainbow that is promised to come.

I am Xena. Real life warrior goddess of Autism. With my steel plated armor I can battle anyone who gets in the way of progress for my child. I can overcome the stares and ignorance of those without a disability in theirlives - and educate them as to why my child is the way he is, and why hedoes the things he does. With my sword of persistence, I can battle the schools to have them properly educate my child. Yes, I am Xena - and I am prepared for any battle that might come my way......

I am beautiful. I have hairy legs because I get no time alone in the bathroom, and bags under my eyes from staying up all night with my child.The only exercise I get is the sprint from my house to my car - to take my child to therapy. Dressed up to me is, well - just that I had a moment to get dressed! They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder - and so even on the days when I don't feel very beautiful - I will know that I am........ because God is my beholder.

I am the Bionic Woman. With my bionic vision - I can see through the disability my child has, and see the beauty in his soul, the intelligence inhis eyes --- when others can't. I have bionic hearing - I can look at my child when he smiles at me, and hear his voice say, "I Love You Mommy," ---even though he can't talk. Yes, I am thankful to be Bionic.

I am Mary. A not so well known mother of a Special Needs child who was brought here to touch the souls of those around him, in a way that will forever change them. And it started with me. By teaching me things I wouldnever have known, by bringing me friendships I never would have had, and by opening my eyes as to what really matters in life. Things like the Joy of just living in the moment, the Peace of knowing that God is in control, never losing Hope, and knowing an unconditional Love that words cannot express. Yes, I too am blessed by a special child, just like Mary.

I am Superwoman. I am able to leap over tall loads of laundry in a singlebound, and run faster than a speeding bullet, to rescue my child from danger. Oh yes, without a doubt, I am Superwoman.

I am Moses. I was chosen to be the mother of a Special Needs Child. I may attimes question whether I am the right "man" for the job ---but God will give me the Faith I need to lead my child to be the best he can be. And like Moses, God will give me the small Miracles here and there, needed to accomplish my mission.

I am Stretch Armstrong - a mom that can be stretched beyond belief - and still somehow return to normal. I can stretch limited funds to cover every treatment and therapy that insurance won't. I can stretch my patience as I bounce from doctor to doctor in a quest to treat my child. I can stretch what time I have, and share it with my husband, my children, my church, and still have some leftover to help my friends. Yes, my name is Stretch. And Ihave the stretch-marks to prove it!

I am Rosa Parks. I refuse to move or waiver in what I believe is right for my child --simply because my view is the minority, not the majority. I refuse to believe "What can one mother do?" But instead, I will write, call,and rally to the government if I have to, and do whatever it takes to prevent discrimination against my child and ensure that he gets the services he needs.

I am Hercules. The Greek god known for strength and courage. The heavy loads I must carry would make others crumble to the ground. The weight of Sorrow, Fear at uncertainty of the future, Injustice at having no answers, and the Tears of despair, would alone possibly be too much, --- even for Hercules.But then the Joy, Laughter, Smiles, and Pride, - at my child's accomplishments, - balance the load to make it easy to bear.

I am touched by an Angel. An Angel who lives in a world of his own. And it'strue. He lives in a world of innocence and purity. A world without hatred or deceit. A world where everyone is beautiful and where no-one is ugly. A world where there is always enough time. A world where he goes to bed with no worries of tomorrow and wakes up with no regrets of the past. Yes, I most certainly am touched by an Angel, and in some ways, his world is better....
I am a true "Survivor" - the mom of a child, who has faced, is facing, and will face, --some of the most difficult challenges life has to offer. I am ready for the challenge and have God given endurance to last until the end,-- along with a sense of humor to cope with all the twists, turns, and surprises along the way. Oh yes, I am a TRUE "Survivor" - and I don't need to win a million dollars to prove it!!! I am a mom of a special needs child, all the above, and so much more. Somedays I will want to be none of the above - and just be a typical mom with a typical child, doing typical things. On those days I will know it's okay tobe angry, and to cry, and to lean on my family, friends, and church, forsupport. Because after all, ---the most important thing I am..... is human.
- author unknown.


The Tile Lady said...

Wow...I found you through another blog, and just read this beautiful testament of faith and courage and love, and I am so deeply moved. I am the aunt of an autistic child. His mother, my sister, has seemed to be superhuman at times in her quest for just getting through day by day with the challenges she has to face. My nephew's autism has touched all of us in the family--my daughter and I went through training so we could help out with him, and do therapy with other children; my neice now works with autistic children in the school system, and in the past was often caregiver for her cousin. My sister and brother-in-law founded the Autism Coalition to try to raise money for autism research. It was absorbed into a new organization, Autism Speaks that has become HUGE and is doing so much good for autism research and care and information dispersal throughout the country. My nephew, who is no longer such a little guy, has always been a joy in our lives, and we adore him. His presence in our world has been a blessing. It hasn't been easy. I know well what you face each day--what your entire family does. But I will be in prayer that God will continue to touch your lives, and give you the strength and wisdom that you need. All our best to your sweet family--

Barb said...

All I can say is"You go girl!" I am in awe of all that you accomplish and all that God is accomplishing through you. You and Brendan are doing a great job with Luke. He is such a sweet and caring boy (JoJo seconds that) May God bless the school year ahead!